TOM AND KATIE OFFICIALLY DIVORCED: How's this for a quick, amicable and painless divorce ... less than two months after the news of their separation hit the web, TOM CRUISE and KATIE HOLMES are officially divorced.

The details are being kept confidential, but Katie reportedly got primary legal custody of 6-year-old daughter Suri.

Perhaps it wasn't so painless for Tom, though. According to the Italian gossip magazine Grazia, Tom is dealing with the split by throwing himself into his work while simultaneously neglecting his health.

Their sources say Tom has lost 14 pounds since Katie broke free filed, and he's ignoring friends who are telling him to SLOW DOWN.

One source says, quote, "Tom...doesn't seem to be himself. He hasn't been working out like he normally does and doesn't appear to be eating well at all. His clothes just hang off him."

WAIT, WHAT? AVRIL LAVIGNE IS ENGAGED TO NICKELBACK'S CHAD KROEGER???!!!: Man, talk about a an announcement that came out of left field ... AVRIL LAVIGNE and NICKELBACK singer CHAD KROEGER are -- wait for it --- ENGAGED!!! I know!

Apparently, they started dating about six months ago after he started working with her on her upcoming album. Avril's rep told 'People' magazine, quote, "A romantic relationship blossomed as they spent time writing together."

According to the magazine, Kroeger popped the question on August 8th with a 14-karat diamond ring.

This will be Chad's first marriage and Avril's second. She previously made THE BIG MISTAKE with Deryck Whibley of Sum 41.

LOHAN LUNACY - LINDSAY QUESTIONED IN CASE OF MISSING JEWELRY: What is it with LINDSAY LOHAN and trouble? It always seems to find her.

Her latest run-in with the law involves a home burglary.

According to TMZ, Lindz slept at a friend's home in the Hollywood Hills after a small get-together Sunday night.

Monday morning, the host awoke claiming that some expensive jewelry was missing. Police interviewed everyone there, but TMZ says that Lindsay is NOT a suspect, and she in fact, insists had nothing to do with the burglary.

The owner of the house, however, does think Lindsay is partially to blame though. Lindsay reportedly brought two men with her to the party and the owner believes they are the ones who robbed him.

BRITNEY SPEARS SHOWS US HER TWEETS: BRITNEY SPEARS Tweeted out a photo of herself looking all sexy and stuff in a fitted Little Black Dress.

The caption, however, came off a little creepy. 'Wishing my uncle happy birthday,' she wrote. (???)

'IDOL' UPDATE - MARIAH CAREY CAMPAIGNS FOR LENNY KRAVITZ: The deal to make NICKI MINAJ an 'American Idol' judge has apparently hit a snag. As we told you yesterday, MARIAH CAREY wasn't exactly thrilled with the news.

According to TMZ, Mimi reportedly hung up the phone when she was told of what was in the works, and supposedly isn't down with the idea of sharing the spotlight with another female judge.

So whom would she rather sit next to? Well, judging by the photo she tweeted yesterday, that would be LENNY KRAVITZ. “American Idol," she wrote. "What about this combo? If we could get him to do it!”

Kravitz later tweeted back, “Girl, we’ve known each other since we were teenagers. How fun would that be?!”

At this point, it's clear that the World Wide Web of Celebrity Speculation has no freakin' idea who's going to be the next A.I. judge.

TMZ claims KANYE WEST is in negotiations with "Idol" to be a judge. Supposedly, there's mutual interest. "People" magazine says ENRIQUE IGLESIAS and NICK JONAS are still in the running to be judges. Meanwhile, 'Us Weekly' is sticking to its story that a Minaj signing is imminent.

SNAPSHOT: KRISTEN STEWART was spotted out in public for the first time since breaking ROBERT PATTINSON'S heart. You'll be happy to know she looked sullen and miserable ... but Super hot in a crop top! (PHOTOS)

CELINE DION HAPPY ADELE'S A FATTY: Okay, this doesn’t seem like CELINE DION is complimenting ADELE, but, really, she’s a major fan.

Celine tells "Vegas" magazine that she thinks “it’s very refreshing” Adele isn’t another super-skinny pop singer. You know, like her.

Quote, "I think it's very refreshing to see, and don't get me wrong when I say this, somebody who's not looking extremely anorexic. So we're not going to go further on that, but you know what I mean. She's going to help us, she's going to help the world."

Yay! The Not-So-Skinny Adele to the rescue! Making it okay for girls everywhere to actually swallow their food!!!

JESSICA ALBA SHOWS US HER TWEETS: How wholesome is JESSICA ALBA? So much so that she can’t look thug even posing next to hip-hop artist Nas.

That’s NICOLE RICHIE, and Alba’s BFF in the photo as well, by the way.

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS FOR AUGUST 22 – KRISTEN WIIG, TY BURRELL AND MORE

ROMANCE REPORT - MEL GIBSON HAS A NEW GAL PAL: MEL GIBSON evidently has a thing for foreign-born singers. The actor has been spending a lot of time lately with Italian singer/songwriter Nadia Lanfranconi. (PHOTO)

Sources insist it’s just a casual fling. And you know what that means, right?