COULD BE TRUE BUT PROBABLY CRAP - JESSICA SIMPSON SPENDS $2 MILLION ON BIRTH SECURITY: JESSICA SIMPSON has reportedly dished out $2 million on security for when she gives birth next month.

Jess and fiancé Eric Johnson are due to welcome their first child, a girl they are said to be planning to call Maxwell, into the world in the coming weeks and word is are planning to spare no expense to keep the little one safe.

In addition to the $500,000 they have spent booking out an entire wing of the hospital so Jessica can give birth in private, the pair are also said to be hiring 30 armed guards to protect the baby around the clock!!!

Jessica is apparently terrified that someone is going to kidnap her baby. A source told In Touch Weekly magazine: "She's turning the maternity ward into Fort Knox. If her friends and family want to visit her, they'll have to make it through numerous checkpoints! She's terrified of kidnapping.”

CELEBRITIES IN TROUBLE - BOBBY BROWN CHARGED: BOBBY BROWN was charged yesterday with three misdemeanors, including drunken driving. Brown, who was arrested Monday in suburban Los Angeles, had a blood alcohol level of more than .08 percent.

Bobby’s legal team begged to differ with one of the charges. They claimed in a statement that, quote, "Mr. Brown was not driving erratically. He was speaking on his cell phone.”

Note it does not address accusations their client was drunk behind the wheel? If convicted, Brown faces a maximum penalty of six months in jail for each offense. He's set to appear in court April 16th.

WHITNEY'S MOM CALLS BOBBY 'A BAD INFLUENCE': Whitney Houston's mother, CISSY, says Bobby Brown's DUI arrest proves he's “a cancer” and a poor influence on Bobbi Kristina’s life.

TMZ reports that Cissy sees the DUI incident as just one more good reason for Brown to “keep his distance” from Bobbi Kristina, who she says is in “a vulnerable place.”

A bad influence. Really? I would have guessed the crack habit, car accidents, domestic abuse, failure to pay child support and crippling alcoholism would have proven that.

RIHANNA DODGES QUESTION ABOUT RELATIONSHIP WITH ASHTON: Rihanna expertly side-stepped questions about her rumored relationship with Ashton Kutcher during a London press conference to promote her role in the upcoming "Battleship" movie.

If you recall, the speculation began after RiRi paid a late-night visit to Kutcher's L.A. home a couple of weeks ago. According to AOL Music, Rihanna did NOT appreciate a reporter asking her if Ashton would be joining her on the promotional trip.

"Wow," she replied, "how disappointing was THAT question?" After pausing a beat, she added, "I am happy and I'm single, if that is what you are asking." Not exactly a denial, huh? These reporters need to learn to ask the right questions.

FREE AT LAST! LINDSAY LOHAN: Our long national nightmare might finally be over. LINDSAY LOHAN'S four year probation could end today! Lindsay has a court hearing later this morning that could mark the end of her probation. Her rep says she has successfully completed all her obligations, including her morgue duty and therapy sessions.



So barring any unforseen problems, Linds will be free to drink, snort, crash, party, guest star on 'Glee'...whatever! You go, girl!!!

KATY PERRY’S BESTIE CLAIMS RUSSELL BRAND CHEATED: According to one of KATY PERRY'S friends, RUSSELL BRAND cheating is what eventually led to their divorce.

Markus Molinari, Katy's bestie, put Russell on blast via Twitter. Molinari doesn't give too many details, but he makes it quite clear that he's not a fan of Brand.

Molinari retweeted a post from actor John Schaech, then added in his own commentary. "@MDMOLINARI Seeee Russell! RT @JohnSchaech: Cheating is easy, try doing something challenging and be faithful."

BABY POOP - MEGAN FOX IS PREGGERS!!! OR IS SHE???: The not-always-reliable "Star" tabloid claims MEGAN FOX has been fetused by hubby BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN.

A ubiquitous Hollywood source went and blabbed to ‘Star’ that Meg and hubby Brian Austin Green "just found out and are incredibly excited.” So far, the couple hasn’t confirmed the news.

Probably because, according to the insider, “It's still early, so they are only telling close friends and family members." And we’re neither. And, plus, 'Star' could be full of crap.

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS FOR MARCH 29 – ELLE MACPHERSON, JOHN POPPER AND MORE

NEW COUPLE ALERT - JASON SEGEL AND MICHELLE WILLIAMS: "Muppets" superstar JASON SEGEL is apparently getting all smoove up on HEATH LEDGER'S ex, MICHELLE WILLIAMS. The two are said to be "smitten and very serious," Us Weekly reports.

Jason and Michelle were spotted having dinner Saturday night in Brooklyn. “He put his arm around her and made her laugh as they walked,” said one witness. The next day, Jason was seen spending some quality time with Michelle's 6-year-old daughter Matilda.

SPLITSVILL - POPULATION BRADLEY COOPER: BRADLEY COOPER and ZOE SALDANA have split after a three-month romance. He's supposedly the one who ended it, but friends say Zoe isn’t that torn up about it. A source assures 'Us Weekly' the two were never "super serious."

IN DENIAL - KIM KARDASHIAN: EVA LONGORIA recently broke up with PENELOPE CRUZ'S younger brother Eduardo. Was KIM KARDASHIAN the reason? "In Touch" magazine says yes. Kim says no.

Kim tweeted the following denial yesterday: "It's not ok when magazines involve my close friends in their made up stories. They were told by multiple people that their current cover isn't true, but they decided to go ahead and run it anyway. So there you have it."

WTW!!!???: Someone actually paid 300 dollars for this creepy "one of a kind" painting of JESUS holding WHITNEY HOUSTON'S face ...